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This is her final version.  There were no errors.

Just saying hi and checking out my post setup.

Hope everyone is well. Can't wait to see everyone again at Gen-Con.

I have already sent this off to Tracy for revision.

Rocco,

It's a pretty solid story.  Definitely worthy of being in the book.  Besides your typos and stuff and all sorts of my nitpicking, you've got some very good story telling.  I would certainly rank it above some of the other stuff.  Very nice.

You'll find all sorts of comments throughout the text.  Please take everything with a grain of salt.  I've been really tired lately so some of if sounds kid of snarky.  But I know it's for you and so I enjoyed myself.   

One comments is your definition of magic.  Or rather, the way you present it with nodes and ley lines and meridian points and/or lines.  There's how many types of magic?  Plus you have real elementals at the end?  I'm not saying to change anything, just that you don't seem to define it the same way everywhere and honestly, I got confused.  Set i fup any way you like, but just be consistent.  (Read my comments in the text.)

There were a couple of places where you interrupted the flow of the action with descriptive text.  He's touching his heart meridian when the world is coming down around him, and you start talking about blood flow and the six senses.  I put in comments where appropriate.

There's something also about the way you start in the past, and even though you label it as 'before time remembered', it becomes our anchor and our present day.  So when you jump to Kindle and his story, it feels more like the future as opposed to 'present day'.  I'm not sure how to avoid that, becasue I see why you started with Tsavin.  I'm just giving you a weird impression that I had. 'm assuming that the rest of the story happens in Kindle's time or slightly thereafter.

 Bil

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